


Scars and Sleepless Nights

by grexigone



Series: Eldur (Collection of One Shots and Prompts) [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kinda, More will be added, Scariff, Scars, Sharing a Bed, or something like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 13:04:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10764840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grexigone/pseuds/grexigone
Summary: "Jyn, come on! Toss the kriffing blaster and reach my hand!" Jyn didn't meet his eyes; she looked down instead, searching for something. Cursing lowly in Festian, Cassian checked his surrounding to see if he could lower himself more. The cliff was suspiciously flat and empty: no trees or dead branches around to hold on to, nor some rocks or roots. Desperate, he dragged his chest forward and more to the edge of the cliff so now both of his hands were dangling in the air. By the time he was done settling a good grip with his feet, he looked back to Jyn only to find she was aiming the blaster at his direction."Jyn, wh--"Two shots fired. From the corner of his eyes, Cassian could see a Stormtrooper fell dead to the ground with a loud bump. His eyes focused back to Jyn just in time to see her lost her grip and fell into the abyss.





	Scars and Sleepless Nights

Cassian Andor found himself running towards a familiar struggling sound.

 

A dense rainforest surrounds him. At one point he was sure the trees was getting tighter around him at it's getting harder and harder to breath. Yet the struggling sound continued: a mix of metal, thick plastic, and woman's groans. He didn't remember exactly why he had to run, but he just knew that he have to be at the source of the sound  _fast_. Huge branches of trees kept appearing out of nowhere and he had to jump here and there to avoid being stumbled upon them.

 

Another loud metal sound -- louder than before -- was heard followed by a suprised cry of the woman. The silence that came afterwards felt too suspicious and Cassian run faster. At the end of the rainforest was a narrow cliff and he without thinking, he surged himself to the ground just enough to see that Jyn Erso was hanging  _dangerously_ on a the edge of a lower cliff with one hand while the other still tightly wrapped around her blaster.

 

"Jyn, give me your hand!" he screamed, throwing his right hand at her direction. It's close enough, Cassian thinks. The lower cliff was not too far below and if she tossed the blaster and pushed herself a bit, he would be able to reach her hand. His eyes tried to find hers but she was looking somewhere else entirely.

 

"Jyn, come on! Toss the kriffing blaster and reach my hand!" Jyn didn't meet his eyes; she looked down instead, searching for something. Cursing lowly in Festian, Cassian checked his surrounding to see if he could lower himself more. The cliff was suspiciously flat and empty: no trees or dead branches around to hold on to, nor some rocks or roots. Desperate, he dragged his chest forward and more to the edge of the cliff so now both of his hands were dangling in the air. By the time he was done settling a good grip with his feet, he looked back to Jyn only to find she was aiming the blaster at his direction.

 

"Jyn, wh--"

 

Two shots fired. From the corner of his eyes, Cassian could see a Stormtrooper fell dead to the ground with a loud bump. His eyes focused back to Jyn just in time to see her lost her grip and fell into the abyss.

 

"JYN!!!"

 

***

 

"Kriff!"

 

The loud metal clang echoed through the entire ship. Cassian immediately felt grateful that K-2SO would be too busy in the cockpit right now to provide his unrequested opinion on his recent clumsiness.

 

"That the second thing you dropped today," Jyn handed him the tools he knocked off earlier and peeked at the cockpit. "You alright?"

 

"I'm fine," he sighed heavily, putting the tools back to where it came from. "Just..."

 

"Can't sleep?"

 

He nodded and put his hands over his face. His eyes -- and body -- really need to rest.

 

"You can sleep now." In the dark Cassian could feel Jyn's warmth radiating behind him before she even touch his shoulder and squeezed it. "We're heading back to base anyway. I'll wake you up when we arrived. You go straight to your room and I'll do the debrief."

 

"I don't feel like sleeping."

 

"The bags under your eyes have a different opinion on that." A chuckle slipped from Cassian's mouth. "Hey," Jyn circled around Cassian to face him. When he removed his hand and opened his eyes, he was met with a pair of green eyes looking warmly, and curiously, at him.

 

"It's just dreams. It's not real. Just like you always said." Her brows knotted in more confusion.

 

"I didn't know you still have nightmares. It's been...almost one year, Cassian. You've stopped having them months ago." He just sighed heavily and walked passed her, busied himself with another work, trying to avoid Jyn's look. He knew he eventually have to talk about it or she will not let go until she got the answer, but some old habits could not be fixed easily. Talking about feelings and worriness and anxiety was never his favorite subject.

 

Fortunately, Jyn understands.

 

"Have you been thinking about it lately?" she asked calmly.

 

"What--" the next sound he made was a series of curses in Festian as another metal object fell to the ship's floor. Jyn picked the nearest object and handed it back to Cassian, noticing that he still refuse to look her in the eyes.

 

"Have you been thinking about Scariff lately?"

 

"I don't know." he answered almost instantly. 

 

"You  _do_ know." It was her way, of course. Her way of settling problems without forcing Cassian to  _discuss_ feelings. She said once that it's his method, a spy's method of squeezing information from various sources: by throwing questions after questions and find the right conclusion. He also argued that it was him who got to throw questions and not otherwise, but as the case always been, it was hard to win an argument over Jyn Erso.

 

"Maybe. I don't remember. What does it have to do with nightmares?" Cassian almost ran out of tasks to do -- to distracts his attention.

 

"Because it may be the trigger," she responded calmly as if she already found the solution of a complicated issue.

 

A moment of silent followed. Anything that can be done has been done, and no more metal things falling to the ship's floor so Cassian realize that it is finally time to confront his anxiety which currently in the form of Jyn Erso. He sighed and turned to face her, crossing his arm in front of his chest and leaning against the ship's wall. His signature defensive gesture. In three quick steps, Jyn closed the distance between them. 

 

"It happened to me too," she said, green eyes looking with assurance to his brown ones. "After a rather screwed-up mission...you remember Subterrel?"

 

He nodded. Of course he remembers 'the Subterrel incident'. They went on a separate mission during that time and her team of Pathfinders were almost completely slaughtered by the locals whom, after a long years of being enslaved by the Empire, had entirely lost their sense of trust to strangers no matter which uniform they wore. They barely made it out alive, and to make it worse, Cassian was only made known to this incident after he returned to base. He remembered clearly how he was wondering around the base after debriefing (he refused to ask the high officers like Draven or Mon Mothma on a rather 'personal matters' regarding Jyn) because he could not found her in their shared quarter, or even on her own. It was not until someone from the her Pathfinder team accidentally bump into him that Cassian was told that she was in the med bay and how messy their mission was. Of course he remember seeing too may bruises on Jyn's small unconscious body that he secretly wished the Alliance have their own Death Star to blow the entire planet of Subterrel.

 

"There were so many dead bodies...locals and ours. It reminds me of Scariff and I found myself thinking about it for some time. Later that night I was having a nightmare again, about Scariff, about Eadu...all at once. I dreamed I was standing in a beach, and everyone else was dead aroud me. Rogue One, K-2, my father, you..." she swallowed hard, "even my mother's lifeless body was there. I hadn't had any nightmare for...8 months but suddenly it came back again, and it happened again another time so I figured, you know..."

 

"'You carry what you were thinking in the light into the night.' Chirrut told me that once," he added upon seeing Jyn's brows furrowed. "So that's what he meant." He had stopped asking the monk long ago for the meaning of every shady things he said on various occasion, but he learned to remember them because somehow the answer will come by itself.

 

"It was our last mission, isn't it?" He smiled curtly. Somehow she always  _know_.

 

Another heavy sigh. She put her hand on his arm, and squeezed lightly: her way of telling him that now, at this moment, they are safe. This current  _reality_ is safe. "I hate when I could not see you," he finally said. "If we're in a different mission, I would still be worry but in a mission where we are together...I never enjoy any moment when I could not see you within my eye's radius. Because somehow, something bad always happened." Her green eyes were calm, soothing. She gave no response as a way of letting him finish his words.

 

"Afterwards, I was thinking about Scariff. Just for a brief moment, I remembered lying on that data fault, trying to climb fast enough. During that time I was...simulating countless 'what ifs' but on the top of all, I was thinking what if when I finally reach you, you're--something bad had already happened and I was too late."

 

"I'm sorry, then" she said quietly.

 

"This time it was too close, Jyn," he blurted out. "Either I was too slow or you were just too fast, but what if I didn't reach you in time? I was merely seconds behind you yet when I arrived a blaster already being pointed out to you. Even worse, you were  _turning your back on him_ , what were you thinking? Either I was lucky to shot him before he's done any harm to you, or you were lucky I was quick enough to follow you." Cassian knew Jyn always acted on impulse, not thorough strategy, but during their last mission which they currently returned from, he thought she was simply being reckless and silly.

 

"I said I'm sorry," she repeated. Cassian could see she's trying hard not to respond in the same frustration. Her hand on his arm were still, but it stays there anyway. "I saw him throwing the chemicals vial into the water. I remember K-2 said that it was their main source to drink from so I was trying to prevent an entire village from being poisoned to dead." Cassian closed his eyes and grunted in protest. Of course she  _had_ to save them. Of course she put herself _second_ and it never seized to frustrate him.

 

"I was too focus on trying to find the vial and didn't have time to check my back. And for that I'm sorry," she added. Now that he opened his eyes and looked at her again, Cassian realized that it was a rare moment for her to apologize  _first_. Not to mention admitting to her fault.

 

"Force, Jyn. I was looking away for one second and you already out of the sight! You can at least give me a pat so I know where you were going!"

 

"A pat?" Jyn tried to hold a laugh but the edge of her lips already curved upwards.

 

"Or just drag me along--which ever you like..."

 

"I dont' have to." Jyn said confidently as she moved closer to him, lifted her free hand and rest it along his jaws. "Because you're with me all the way, don't you?"

 

Cassian let out another grunt, but with a hint of a smile. Sometimes he thought he had doomed himself when he said that creed to Jyn. But again, she's like a star. People simply caught in her strong gravity, eager to follow whatever mission she's into. And of all who were pulled into her orbit, Cassian knew that her gravity was strongest on him.

 

Jyn pushed her body up and cought his lips to hers. He could taste her smile and felt the tense in his body and mind slowly melted away. He untangles his folded arms and put his hands on the back of her neck and her waist, pulling her closer. Jyn broke the kiss and leaned her forehead against Cassian's, eyes still closed and a ghost of smile still lingers in her mouth. They stayed like that for some times, savoring the fact that they still live to fight --and to be with each other--for another day.

 

"I truly regret to interrupt the intimacy, but we will arrive at the base within one hour. I suggest both of you to return to your respective 'professional side' before we landed." The flat and emotionless voice of K-2 (as well as his figure poking out of the door towards the cockpit) made Jyn laugh and she stepped away from Cassian. She's pleased to see his face had returned to his usual calm one, no hard lines and furrowed brows of worry anymore. 

 

"As always, thank you, K." Cassian manage to stole a kiss to Jyn forehead before he excused himself to join K-2 at the cockpit.

 

"A very _friendly_ reminder, K. Though I don't think you were programmed to  _feel_ regret." Jyn patted the droid which created a small signature metal sound (the sound K-2 hated because he said it's similar to the sound of someone being slammed with a frying pan).

 

"I don't. But again, Cassian said I had to."

 

***

 

Cassian woke up with a jolt. He opened his eyes abruptly and so wide it hurts instantly. He blinked fast, adjusting to the darkness around him as his senses slowly creeping inside him and he could listen to the usual whirring sound around the base. His heartbeat thumping hard and fast, as if it could jump out of his ribcage at any time.

 

As his breath breath and heart evened out, Cassian rolled his body so that he faced the ceiling and counting out the fact:

_I am in my quarter, at the Rebel base in Endor Station._

He let his hand feel the cold wall on his right, and turned his head to the spot in his left.

_Jyn is here. Jyn is sleeping, Jyn didn't fell._

_She's alright. We're alright._

 

Cassian shut his eyes as to lock all the facts and reality in his mind. Beside him, Jyn was fast asleep with her back facing the wall and Cassian. They haven't seen each other for almost a full month as their schedules keeps forcing them to be away from the base in different durations. Cassian had arrived two days earlier than Jyn, and he would have another four--while Jyn have two--free days at the base and it was more than enough for them to enjoy some private times together. It doesn't feel like peace, he once said to her. He was expecting the Battle of Endor to be the Rebellion's last fight with the Empire, but turns out peaceful times has its own chores to do. A lot, in fact.

 

Sometimes Cassian even dared himself to contemplate that he started to getting tired of fighting and wanted to grow old peacefully with the woman he currently share his bed with.

 

Cassian moved his body slowly towards Jyn and held her from behind. He breathed the smell of her hair and let his hand--wrapped around her waist--to rise and fall with her steady breath. Usually a light sleeper, Jyn didn't even awake when he slipped his other hand below her neck to wrap around her upper chest. Cassian smiled as he relive the memory of their meeting today. She was all tired with dark circles above her eyes but as soon as she saw him inside their shared quarter (technically his quarter), she grabbed his shirt, pushed him towards the wall and flooded his lips with passionate kisses.

 

"Jyn--wait, Jyn--" his attempt to form a word was cut short by her kisses. Her tongue danced inside his mouth, which make it even harder to speak. "Jyn--you look like a dead man walking. You need to rest--"

 

"I need you." she growled as she pulled Cassian from the wall and literally threw him on the bed.

 

Cassian let out a snort as he remembered how Jyn instantly fell asleep after their quick, passionate love making session. She didn't even manage to cover her body, so he was left with the task of being a good gentleman as he gathered their clothes from the floor and wrapped Jyn in a warm blanket. "I miss you too, Jyn," he said as he pick up his datapad--the last remaining thing on the floor that was thrown away during their intercourse--and continue to make his report before joining her to bed some hours later.

 

It would take some time before he can fall asleep again, so Cassian let his mind wander to the cause of his recent nightmare. Turns out Jyn's--and Chirrut's--theory was right. He  _was_ thinking about Scariff during a debriefing with Draven and Shara Bey this morning. Their mission was intertwined with each other, and as Shara told Draven about her mission in which she has to climb up a steep cliff while trying to avoid being shot by a group of local pirates, Cassian couldn't help but reminded on the time he and Jyn climbed the data fault.

 

Afterwards, Shara specifically told him not to tell--in any way--the details of her current mission to Kes ("Or else he would mumble angrily to himself for 15 minutes and give me a silent treatment so please just help me, Andor.") and Cassian was left with another simulation on his mind:  _what if_ the situation was turned around and it was Jyn that was shot by Krennic and fell? _Will I keep climbing up or would I help Jyn instead?_

 

It was not like he was thinking about his idea all day, but apparently one brief moment was enough to trigger a nightmare. During their first months after Scariff, both he and Jyn would woke up in the middle of the night, jolting up from their sleeping position to fully seated and sometimes even screaming or crying. And similar to this time, it was Jyn that suggest a 'solution' to make the nightmare bearable.

 

"I think we should talk about it." That was her idea.

 

"Talk about what?"

 

"The nightmare, Cassian." She sounded almost annoyed. It was a quiet night and they were each reading through their datapad, somewhat afraid to fall asleep just so they don't have to face their demons.

 

"What do you exactly mean by talk?"

 

"I mean talking about the details. So then we could help each other. Counting the facts, separate the reality from the dreams. Just to, you know...stay sane."

 

Cassian put down his datapad and looked at her curiously. He still couldn't catch the meaning of her words nor imagine the scenario in which they will actually _talk_ about things that scares them in the middle of the night. Their nights usually just spent by  _being there_ or holding each other until they both fell asleep again.

 

"Fine, I will start." Jyn sat upright like she was in a meeting with Princess Leia--the only high ranked officer that ever gained her full respect within the Rebellion--and looked directly towards Cassian. "Last time I was dreaming about my parents, back when we were in Lah'mu. But instead of them, it was....you and me. It was exactly like I remembered it. You were standing in the middle of our farm, Krennic and a bunch of Deathtroopers in front of you. And before I realized it, I was walking fast towards you, hiding a blaster in a bundle in front of me, and when I was close enough, I pulled out the blaster, pointed it towards Krennic."

 

Cassian blinked. It was the first time Jyn ever told him the details of the day she was orphaned. Not sure what to do, he tried to sound as calmly as possible as he asked, "What happened then?"

 

"I said the same words my mother said: 'You are not taking him.' Then you tried to convince me to lower the blaster but I won't, so...they shot me. But...um...I wasn't died instantly. I remember watching helplessly as they took you away and then...one of the Deathtrooper came to me and shot me again and then...I woke up."

 

Cassian still wasn't sure what to say. "Is it always like that?" he asked carefully, "I mean...you, dead. Was it always about that?"

 

"Nope," Jyn said. "Mostly it's you. But it always felt so real. Last time I swear I could feel the heat of the blaster shot," Jyn instinctly lift her hand to touch her shoulder, stroking it while staring blankly at her feet.

 

"Jyn," Cassian had made his way towards her, kneeling at one foot in front of the bed. He put one hand on her chin to meet her eyes with his. "I am not dead. You are not dead. The one that died was Krennic. Killed by the very weapon he built."

 

"I know," she said with a weak smile. "But the death felt real. We  _almost_ died on that beach. Maybe some part of us did died anyway, and that's why I need you to remind me. To tell me that we are alive and this is all real."

 

Cassian went silent as he remembered his own nightmares. Jyn was right; and as usual, she  _understands_. He used to woke up panting at night, clinging hard to Jyn as to keep her close, to remind him that what he held in his arms was real. That even though the very first time he held her was because they were dying, now he held her because they  _survived_. During his own night terror, it was hard to differ which one was which.

 

"Okay," he finally said. Jyn gave him a soft smile and kissed his forehead.

 

"How about yours?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"Your nightmares. If you don't want to talk about it now, we could always try next time, or right after the dreams. You'll wake me anyway, so--" Jyn knew Cassian was not the 'talking' type and she did not want to force him to do something he would become uneasy with. They were, in many ways, mirrors to each other. She never initiate conversation about feelings too before but if there's anything she learned from helping Bodhi to cope with the trauma and the damage caused by Bor Gullet was that _trust_ could come in the shape of talking about feelings. 

 

"Same as yours," Cassian sighed heavily, his eyebrows furrowed as he relive the pain he felt during his last nightmare. "The worst were always about you dying."

 

"That's a start," she responded rather proudly. "And I will remind you that it was just a dream. That what you held now is real. And also that I'm with you all the way."

 

"I know," Cassian leaned forward and kissed her, something he grew to like very much because unlike other things in his life, kissing Jyn was the most obvious reality he could ever get.

 

Jyn's movement brought Cassian back to the present as she curled herself further inward. He wrapped his arms tighter around her naked body, feeling her warmth slowly absorbed to his own body, and the last thought that went to Cassian's mind before he driftan back to sleep was how the talk actually  _helped_ reducing the nightmare to none within months.

 

***

 

The door opened then closed with a soft hiss, and Cassian rolled his body just in time to see Jyn's face flickered by the light from her datapad before it was back to pit dark as she turned it off.

 

"Hey," she said weakly.

 

"What time is it?"

 

"Miss you, too."

 

Even in the dark, Cassian could clearly picture how Jyn would lazily change her clothes, toss her boots to whatever direction other than the bed, and made her way towards him. The urge to turn on the light and run a quick 'quality check' on her was defeated by his own sleepiness so he decided to do their little routine in the morning.

 

"Scoot," she said. Cassian moved until his back was pressed to the wall and Jyn literally flung her body unto the bed that it produces a complaining creak. "Sorry to made you wait."

 

"It's okay. I wasn't."

 

He lied, of course. Cassian Andor was not waiting. Cassian Andor was  _worried_.

Jyn wiggled her way into him and he welcomed her with a tight embrace. She let out a satisfied sigh to his collarbone and Cassian drew lazy circles on her back, dozing himself to sleep.

Although, something was not quite right.

 

"Jyn--what is this?" Cassian pulled away abruptly and Jyn let out a wailing in protest.

 

"It's nothing. Cassian please, I'm so sleepy,"

 

"Force, Jyn, it's big! Let me have a look,"

 

She made another protest noises but Cassian already got up and turned on the small lamp beside their bed and sat in front of her. 

He pulled her shirt up and there it was, or in Cassian's term: (the cause for his) 'grey hairs'.

 

Starting from below her shoulder blade and further down almost to her hip were rows of bacta patches, placed rather clumsly by no other than Jyn Erso herself (or so he guessed). Red, bloody scratches appeared from between the patches and Cassian watched in horror as he placed a finger on the wound and a wet blood was attached to it, followed by a small gasp from Jyn.

 

" _What is this_ , Jyn?" Cassian asked once again, trying hard to contain his frustration as he studied the wound and tried to make Jyn lie still on the bed.

 

"As you see, just a scratch. I'll have it checked first thing in the morning-- _come on, let's sleep_ ,"

 

"What  _I see_ is big bloody scratches covering almost half of your lower back, Jyn. This needs to be tended  _now_." Some patches even had lost its grip on her skin, threatening to reveal the true form of the wound. "Can you at least tell me what caused this...mess?"

 

Using his spy's swiftness, Cassian jumped out of the bed careful enough so Jyn's body did not move from its position and pulled out a clean towel from the drawer, poured some water from the 'fresher on it, and grab his medpac before making his way back to Jyn.

 

" _Debrief me_ , Jyn." Cassian peeled the bacta patches off one by one, trying hard to ignore Jyn's hisses and gently poked the wet towel on the scratches. Now that the full form of the wound has been revealed, he realized how  _bad_ it was: some scratches were bigger from the other and still bleeding out. Cassian clenched his jaw hard and let out a small curse in Festian.

 

"I fell," she began, speaking between hisses and shudder.

 

" _How exactly did you fell_?"

 

"The mission went well and nothing significant happened but then, as we packed the ship and get ready to fly, a group of local gangs assaulted us. They tried to stole some of our cargos and our weapons, so we chase them."

 

"When was the 'fall' happened?"

 

"Well, they gang was riding pods, that's a start."

 

" _And?_ "

 

"We managed to hijacked some of their pods and chase them with it because there was no way we could chase them on foot and using the ship will cause too many attention, so--"

 

"So?"

 

"I managed to chase one and jumped into his pod. It was so hard to fight on a pod so I after some times I lost my footing and...fell."

 

"Just 'fell' don't create scratches like  _this_ , Jyn."

 

"Okay, I cluthed to the pod with my truncheon and got dragged pretty far on a rocky ground."

 

Another series of curses in Festian and some louder hisses mixed in the the quiet night of their quarter.

 

After he's done cleaning the wound, Cassian took a roll of bandage from the medpac and wrap it  _neatly_ on Jyn's back, then put her shirt back down above it. She responded with a relieved sigh as he turned off the light and crawl back to the bed, gently placing his hand over her wounded waist.

 

"Med bay. First--"

 

"Yes, yes, first thing in the morning. Don't worry, Cassian," Jyn lifted her hand and run it through Cassian's dark hair. He caught her hand and tangled their fingers together, pulling them closer to his chest.

 

"Jyn--"

 

"I tried, you know,"

 

"Hm?"

 

"I tried to  _be alright_. To come back in one piece, to come home safe. Just as  _you_ asked me to, especially after Subterrel." Cassian could almost see the mixed feelings contained in her words with guild seems to be on the top position. Cassian trusted her enough to know that Jyn was never reckless. She's just selfless and that's the first thing he admired from her on Jedha, and they were both exhausted from their mission so arguing it further would be pointless. The fact that she came back at all was always enough.

 

"I know, Jyn. Just...treat yourself better next time. At least spend some time to  _learn_ how to properly put the bacta patch on a wound," Jyn snorted as she closed her eyes slowly and let sleep took hold on her.

 

"I miss you, Cassian," 

 

"I miss you too, stardust,"

 

A heavy sigh marked her transition to a deep sleep, but Cassian was still fully awake from all the first aid activites earlier. His fingers absently traced its way from Jyn's waist to touch the skin below her shirt, a spot just under her lowest rib where a two inches scar lies prominently. Just like him, Jyn never remember the origins of all the scars on her body. But Cassian remembered some of it and it's because of reasons he didn't proud of.

 

Some of her scars were caused by his faults.

Jyn would always argue otherwise but it never made the guilt less bearable for him. The scar he currently touched was caused by his lack of skill in close quarter combat. His forte was always with weapons but in a rare situation where he ran out of bolts, Jyn was forced to defend herself  _and_ protect Cassian at the same time, which resulted to her unawareness of a sneaky enemy carrying a knife.

 

The man gave her three quick stabs on the same spot and she fell on her knees instantly, dark spot formed on her shirt and it quickly gets wider and wider. Never in his life Cassian experienced being terrified as bad as the following moments, when he tried desperately to slower Jyn's bleeding, her blood was all over his hand, while  _screaming_ to K-2 to fly the ship faster.

 

She was scheduled to be put in bacta tank twice so the scar could heal entirely, but there was no way Jyn Erso will ever want to be put in a bacta tank when she was conscious. She told him once that it reminds her of the hatched room she used to hide from Krennic and the Deathtrooper following her mother's dead and since then Cassian had stopped arguing with her regarding the bacta tank treatment. And that's also why the scars remain.

 

"You just want me to feel guilty, don't you?" he asked jokingly as he walked with her to their quarter to make sure she had her rest after released from the med bay.

 

"No, but it serves as a reminder for you to take a close quarter combat training as soon as possible," she replied. "Force, Andor. I should've been promoted to Captain after my current 'service' to one of Rebellion's best spy."

 

"I'm so sorry to inform you,  _Erso_ , but to be promoted to captain requires the ability to fly a ship and track down a criminal last known by the name Liana Hallik."

 

"Please. I could easily linked Joreth Sward to you in no time, and if you could point me to any ship I can use right now, I would gladly give it a try--"

 

"Right now what you need it rest,"

 

"I have rest enough," It's not Jyn Erso if she didn't give a fight.

 

"Rest, Jyn. Or I'll change  _my_ quarter's lock code so you can rest  _alone_ in yours." Cassian could hear Jyn mumbled 'bossy' under her breath and he couldn't help but chuckled at her response.

 

Moving slowly from the stab wound scar, Cassian ran his hand towards Jyn's neck, careful enough not to wake her up, to meet with another scar.

Cassian always proud himself on his shooting skill, whether it was with blasters or with sniper rifles. However such pride was slowly reduced as his inaccuracy caused a long grease to Jyn's neck while he was trying to shoot the women who used her as shield while pointing her blaster towards Jyn's head.

 

"Let's not repeat that again," she had said when the arrived back to the ship as Cassian cleaned the wound and put a bacta patch on it.

 

"I don't intend to either,"

 

"For a second there...I thought you were going to shoot me,"

 

"You know I would never do that,"  
  


"But...in a situation where you have to choose...I think it would be wise not to do that--not to choose  _me_ ," 

 

Cassian wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch Jyn in the face or kissed her so hard until she was dying out of breath.

 

"Of course I would choose you. That is not up for an argument." Cassian said calmly.

 

"For the third rare time since I first met with you, Jyn Erso, I found myself agreed with your suggestion."

 

"I said it's not up for an argument, K."

 

"To you, Cassian. But I was talking--and soon will be arguing--with Jyn so I assume your restriction does not apply to us."

 

 

Cassian stopped her just in time before Jyn rolled her body to another side, potentially ruining her bandage. She let out a protesting grunt, but made no further attempt to try again.

 

Either in war or peace times, no one leaves without a scar, whether visible or not. Those scars on Jyn, however, no matter how bad the memories behind them, were also becoming her soft spot. He enjoyed kissing them one by one, feeling her body shudder below him and listened to her surprised gasp driving them both to the edge of pleasure. He wasn't sure what the new scar would bring though, but before he fell asleep, he reminded himself to accompany Jyn to the med bay tomorrow morning. Just in case (since she often said she's not good at following orders), she purposely changed her stubborn mind and wandered off somewhere entirely different than the med bay instead.

 

Cassian pushed himself closer to Jyn until they breathed the same air. A small reminder to him that she was real, she was alive. They were alright. And as always, for Cassian Andor, it was more than enough.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I was thinking about writing a short fic but oh well :"")  
> Apology if the reference of several places was a bit irrelevant (trust me I tried to google it first) >.<
> 
> Please leave a comment if you like or dislike it! Or just write anything you want, I'm open to anything.
> 
> More Rogue One feels and weird reblogs on my tumblr: grexigone.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!


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